To master the dance of being alive is to master the dance of vital energies. It is to master the application of fierce, directed effort and conscious, expansive surrender.
It is to rebel against until becoming aware it may be far more beneficial to work with.
Sometimes this may mean connecting with our narratives and sometimes it may mean our thinking mind stepping aside to allow the body’s innate intelligence to shine. The deep, scooping, urgeless healing to which any attempt to quantify only serves to miss.
Whatever stage of the journey we are at, it is our job to simply engage with it, fully and without resistance.
In flowing with the process we allow of ourselves a deep learning. By fully engaging with the truth of what is, we allow of ourselves the freedom to then tune into the vision of our future selves, flourish rather than stagnate, and become masters of our destiny.
There is an art to all of this.
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It’s all too easy to look at others and fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to the progress we see on the surface but don’t assume for one second that your life is any more or less extraordinary.
The act of returning to surface level after being plunged into the depths of the ocean is just as impressive as scaling the highest peaks. The objective achievements gained by many of those in the limelight may seem impressive until we realise they may have next to no correlation on the enduring fulfillment of their internal architectures.
There are no magic pills we can take that can eradicate all our so-called problems, and if there were, I can’t imagine I’d be the only one who believes it may not be a good idea to go anywhere near them.
By progressively removing resistance from our lives we may be making them smaller and lesser than they once were.
Rather than introducing more restrictions in an effort to keep us “safe”, we should instead be working on ourselves to withstand a certain level of hardship as that’s where the secret lies.
With effort comes reward.
We are remembered, not for fitting in, but having the courage to stand true to ourselves.
STOP FITTING IN FOR THE SAKE OF FITTING IN. BE BOLD. BE YOU. STAND OUT.
BREAK RULES WHEN NECESSARY.
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The method to which my healing speaks is not right or wrong, better or worse, bigger or smaller than any of the other therapeutic methods that are out there. I am aware of the concept of “Survivor Bias” and would strongly argue for this going beyond that.
There are certain recognised and accepted methods of treatment that have only been approved by certain trusted organisations because they have been shown to work for most people, most of the time. Due to the human tendency to trust authority, we blindly follow them with faith they will work.
These models may well work for some people, and that’s absolutely fantastic.
The trouble is, we may feel like the fault lay with us if they don’t.
It doesn’t.
So what do we do when we feel as if we’re at a complete dead end? Nothing we try pulls up alongside our wounds and sits with them, patiently, in an effort to understand what we have been unable to put into words. Nothing external can offer the profound intimacy that is required to cradle our suffering deeply enough for it to feel seen. We go within and become that very quality ourselves.
Every single one of us has lived a life that is as diverse as the next, full of rich experiences that have wired our brains with imperceptible differences. It is inconceivable to consider the number of connections that can be made by our neurons as a result of our environments and subsequent choices made in response to events that we experience within them. Sitting with ourselves with soft and focused attention on our breath allows us to go beyond a roadmap to connect with the most important authority there is.
In order to heal, we need to see beyond the layers of reactionary behaviours we have built up throughout our lives and be willing to both step into our suffering and, by extension, outside our comfort zones.
The only person that can save you is sat reading these words.
To put it bluntly, if nothing you’ve done so far has provided the results you’re looking for, why not try something a little different?
If you’ve not been able to outrun your suffering up until this point, why not take a slightly different approach?
Our layers may be real, but to have any chance of moving beyond them—and possibly the core identities that have been built up over the years—we must first stop turning away and commit to going within. Start by asking, “What am I doing to contribute to the situation I find myself in?”
Rather than shying away when it starts to get hard, fully commit to the process of self-inquiry and the rewards may become clear.
As Roald Dahl writes in My Uncle Oswald, “I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”
If you feel invited to become an enthusiast about anything, become one about yourself.
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To create a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives one could argue we need a certain amount of resistance in them. There can be tremendous learning found in learning to work with, rather than against, the struggle and in remaining connected to the awareness that below the transient thoughts and emotions serving as a learned response to our current life circumstances there lies a profound advent is to gift ourselves the ability to confidently approach life with a deep-seated call to authenticity.
One of the most profound investigations we can perform is that of turning our attention inwards. The problem with disconnecting from our own truths is that in doing so we don’t experience the tremendous creative power that lives within.
In living unconsciously, we’re largely led around by impulse and pursue anything that meets an immediate emotional need, even if that is to our detriment.
These spikes of instant gratification can become a real problem. If, however, we can meet our need for challenge, excitement, connection, and creation in a more thoughtful and productive manner then we may end up holding the keys to unlocking profound, long-term growth rather than the continuation of short-term, destructive challenges that keep us trapped within a cycle that stunts our potential.
Whilst the events we have encountered over the years may differ, the emotions that underlie these events are no different from one another. In learning how to better manage our unmet needs, we can give ourselves an upper hand in life, as has been evident with the turnaround I’ve documented here.
One of the greatest paradoxes in life is that by learning how to suffer we may free ourselves from the emotional charge.
With dedication and hard work, we may be able to snap out from underneath the clouds that loom over us and more firmly seat ourselves, in the process, creating a profound sense of belonging extending beyond the “fuck it” mentality that many of us may adopt in an effort to avoid discomfort, not knowing that this process may be serving only to reduce the richness of our lives.
My intention for making this learning public has been to provide hope and demonstrate to those who may be lost that it is possible to reconnect with the enduring sense of contentment that we secretly long for, existing beneath the layers that we are afraid to learn about and prolonging the impression that forever running around in an attempt to fulfill something that can only be found within is a preferential option.
We only have so much time in our lives but I’d like to think that the messages I have attempted to portray within this journey will be a useful addition to anyone who finds themselves in a seeking capacity. Surely committing ourselves to finding a position of enduring fulfillment should be a priority?
We may not need anything other than the development of a deeper connection with what’s already sitting within to find what it is we’re ultimately looking for.
In falling victim to the assumption that we do, we are likely doing ourselves and the world at large a great disservice.
In continually scratching our itches without further investigation as to their origins and mechanics, we only serve to reaffirm the notion of lack and all but eradicate any chances of meeting the fullness of our greater selves.
Everything we do changes the shimmering web of tissues that make up the brain. Every thought we have and action to which we attend guides electrical signals that penetrate and alter the essence of this tool.
To understand and honour the impact our inner landscapes have on our lives is to put ourselves on the front foot in the process of creation anew. The capacity to reflect on our decisions and learn from them is surely one of the most useful qualities we can draw on as living, breathing human beings.
Having learned and experimented with a tremendous amount since the conception of this site—my attitude evolving to the point whereby the whole premise of it has become largely counter-productive to my current worldview—mentally cutting the straps from it has become something of a priority in which to allow my continued evolution…
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I W A N T H A P P I N E S S
Every time we align our thinking with how we want to show up in the world, we change our brain and, potentially, the course of our lives. Each time we choose to direct our focus, we shape the neurological pathways responsible for delivering that particular outcome. This then profoundly affects our biology.
If we, ultimately, long for a deep-seated sense of peace and happiness, our continued searching for it as something existing beyond ourselves may be the primary factor contributing to its aloofness.
But what are we actually chasing? What do we truly need? What would offer us fulfillment? Meaning?
The answers lie inside each and every one of us.
As Mark Tyrrell writes in The Dark Side of Human Needs, we all have universal needs. These needs include giving and receiving attention; feeling safe and secure; fostering the mind-body connection; having a sense of purpose and meaning; making a contribution to a community in which we are enacting a difference; to be creatively stretched in facing manageable challenges; to experience intimacy; a sense of control over ourselves; and to feel valued, appreciated, respected.
To successfully meet these needs, I’d argue upon the necessity of first looking within in order to establish a solid base upon which to work from.
When we touch the root of all that is, we realise there was never anything to worry about. Everything ends in peace. Everything ends in love. We realise we were always greater than the fleeting layers of experience sitting atop this bliss and surrender to the unknown.
When you find this self you’ll realise it’s all you need. The universe becomes aligned in your favour.
The resistance we feel to feel deep pain may be blocking access to your highest form of evolution. The resistance you are feeling to your suffering is blocking the learning that is desperately being called of you.
We may confuse paddling around in the shallow waters of life as living happily, but are we really living? Are we fully engaging with life or endlessly sheltering ourselves from the fullness of our experience for fear of triggering unprocessed trauma?
Events we ruminate on carry an emotional charge that often cause their presence to extend beyond the natural passing of time. To remedy this, rather than endlessly searching for distraction upon distraction in an effort to escape ourselves, it may be a better idea to dive into the very nature of our thoughts and emotions to better understand how we can liberate ourselves from the profound impact they have on us.
We will forever be prisoners to the whims of our internal landscapes if there are certain states we are preoccupied with avoiding when they get uncomfortable, but by facing them, we can truly free ourselves.
Thoroughly mapping our interior landscapes in an effort to better learn who we are and how we best function largely removes the barriers serving to block alignment with that which we most need. As such, the very act of self-inquiry may be perhaps the greatest vehicle on our way to this realisation.
This very act of self-inquiry may be the kindest gift to both ourselves and our place in the world.
Rather than continually running away from your wounds, accept them as an invitation to lean in and learn. Really go for it. Emotions are on your side, motioning toward a potential solution, so what is it about them that is demanding our attention? What are they trying to tell us? And why? Can we listen? Can we act?
As we change, so, too, does how we see the world. Are you holding onto emotions surrounding the circumstances of your trauma that may need updating? Where might the errors lie?
You probably already know what the problem is and what you want to be free of, so what prediction—likely based on a prior event—is your nervous system making to prevent you accessing the solution?
Do you think it’s just going to go away?
When we are deeply acquainted to the fact that, beneath our layers of thought and emotion there lies a truly supportive expanse that is always available to us, we may be able to deal with whatever crops up as a momentary response to our environment and just accept it as the content of our experience.
What do you want to do with these memories? And what do you want your life to stand for? The clock is ticking. What does success look like to you?
The answers you seek already lay within. The key to your freedom exists, not in theories or accumulation, but in action and subtraction.
You already hold the key to the door you must pass through.
There is a teaching behind each and every emotion if only we sit and listen to it for long enough to find out what function it is they’re serving in an effort to prevent us from obtaining the freedom we desire.
By facing our demons we can influence the quality of that which we’re experiencing in the present moment and by approaching life with a growth mindset, we will win whatever the outcome.
The whole idea is to better understand the mechanics of the wounds that separate us from the majesty of our greater selves, leading us to believe we are not already in possession of a quality greater than that which we covet.
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Although there are some universal principles we can apply to act as a catalyst inviting us to revel in a state of deep fulfillment. Without making a conscious decision to operate from that very reality we aren’t going to get anywhere worth going, no matter how hard we try.
Entertain the possibility that what you most need may exist beyond the thinking mind.
It may be by surrendering to our current circumstances that we allow of ourselves the opportunity to move more freely beyond them.
Now, the subconscious doesn’t think—it knows. It believes. This extremely powerful tool can be optimised as a result of conscious thought during our waking hours.
Simply deciding to live from a certain state of being aligns our subconscious mind with that very reality. If we do this well, our subconscious starts looking for confirmation as to that very decision to be the case, without our consciously thinking about it. Before you know it, your desired reality has become a reality.
There may or may not come a point in your life whereby you realise the mechanics of surrender are far more important to the realisation of your ideal than not.
Up until that point, the invitation is to fight harder than you think necessary.
We put a huge amount of effort into trying to obtain a condition that is already an inherent part of the self. We desire for something that is continually present; something that may only become apparent once we have worked through the layers of thought and emotion preventing us from reaching our true selves.
Thinking ourselves into something from a position of lack may serve to prevent the condition for which we most long becoming no more than a concept, no matter how hard we try to obtain it. It may be worth entertaining whether your mental activity is actually preventing you from getting what you truly need.
In becoming more conscious of our internal landscapes, life becomes an infinitely stimulating tapestry in which we lack nothing, and if we feel like we do, we are invited to investigate the nature of it, leveling ourselves up and expanding further into freedom as we do it.
Our journies become an endless source of fascination once our actions become a little more congruent with the vision of our ideal future selves.
An expansive freedom emerges when we process our layers to unmask the aliveness of otherwise hidden energies. A certain beauty manifests when we realise we already have the answers we are looking for.
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WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE THAN WE REALISE.
Desire and intention are perhaps some of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. Engaging with what we want from life and then making the decision to be an active participant in the creation of that condition may be the most worthwhile use of our energies.
Once we understand the brain is an ever-changing sea of chemicals and neurons shaped by our every input, working from the state of our desire rather than towards it becomes second nature. We shift our mindset from a problem to a solution focus and start living from this very reality.
Operate, not towards the outcome of your desire, but from within it.
In deciding to live as if we have already obtained the state we wish for, not only will our brain start refining the corresponding architecture, but we start emotionally operating from this very reality.
In making up our minds and reaching the point of no return we are no longer at the whims of indecision and in full alignment with the reality we choose.
In Be Your Future Self Now: The Science of Intentional Transformation, Benjamin P. Hardy says it is not our past that drives our actions and behaviours but we are pulled forward by the vision of our future.
Be invited toward a future self in which you already have the outcomes of your desire. See that future self in your mind’s eye. Accept the invitation anew rather than fighting against who you currently are.
Fully commit to this reality and any doubt is given unfavourable conditions in which to grow; the outcome of our vision accepted by the brain as the way things now are. It just becomes the way things are.
You create and make decisions that serve you. You become your greatest cheerleader. You immediately give yourself a headstart by priming the neurological architecture needed to manifest your vision.
We can and do think our way into the realities in which we live. You call the shots.
AS WE HEAL, WE MAY FIND THAT ENERGY PREVIOUSLY REQUIRED TO FORGE LARGELY GIVES WAY TO THAT WHICH IS REQUIRED TO SHAPE…
The subconscious mind is a powerful tool in meeting and delivering the quality of life for which we most long. By accepting what we want as already ours and sinking into a place of profound knowing the subconscious acts as if already having received and the intricate web of chemical impulses starts behaving accordingly.
A weak narrative can hold us back from the kind of lives we are destined to live but a strong one can invite a certain intimacy with it. Feeding the fertile soil of our minds with absolute certainty with regard to the vision of our future self reprograms our minds to become more aligned with the object of our desire.
The dance of life suggests that sometimes it will require conscious effort to achieve an outcome, but at others, results are simply the byproduct of effortless decision.
The thinking mind compliments the subconscious mind, and vice-versa.
We are forever looking “out there” to meet conditions that already exist within but to fully rest in the spirit of our true nature is to rest in the purity of the universe. In silence, we rest in the purity of ourselves.
REMEMBER, NARRATIVE IS EVERYTHING.
When you’re facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge, imagine the mountain having already been climbed.
Imagine standing at the top looking back at the experience you’ve had getting there.
Imagine sharing with others your victory speech. The struggle, the learning, the growth, the triumph, the love.