Sometime later, Mum, Dad, and the consultant were standing at the foot of my bed discussing what I may or may not be capable of. Having spent my formative years growing up with what I now suspect—with minimal presence of malice or animosity as our parents/caregivers did the best they could in light of the fact they were very likely unaware of and left to manage their own traumas and programming at a time whereby such a concept may not have been widely recognised, often becoming severely wounded children themselves and doing whatever they could to protect themselves from further discomfort—was an emotionally immature, verbally abusive, manipulative and controlling father whose complete inability to entertain even the mildest form of introspection was very likely a coping mechanism resulting from a deep-seated desire to avoid critiism following treatment from his upbringing—many children, even to this day, having to continue the lineage of suppressing their true emotions in an attempt to foster an attachment with their caregivers, thus presenting its own set of stresses, tensions, and compensations that, without the time and capacity for self-awareness and further examination with a view to break the cycle of abuse and reclaim themselves, can lead to a tremendous amount of stress and heartache further down the line—the very definition of multi-generational trauma—my Mum didn’t appreciate having yet more limitations imposing themselves upon our realities. Remember, it is their script, not yours.
I followed the conversation and tapped into Mum’s encouraging energies, waited for a good point to chip in, and announced, in a quiet, laboured tone, “By my Birthday.”
This neurologist wasn’t too confident about me even walking again, let alone out of that room by late November, and looked at Mum and Dad with an expression that said more than words ever could.
Little did I know it, but this was the best thing he could have done at that moment in time.
Anger is often a precursor to lasting change. Allow yourself to feel it until you realise it is no longer necessary.
Whilst it would be somewhat arrogant to disregard the opinions of any specialist who has dedicated their entire lives to being at the forefront of their respective fields, please be aware they are not you. They have no idea what you—the beautifully unique human being you are—are truly capable of. Not even you do.
Our mind is the control centre for everything. We can literally prime ourselves for success by deliberately choosing and directing our thoughts. By being intentional with and consciously engineering our effort in order to meet our desires and sustain momentum, the impression that we are incapable of achieving anything beyond our current knowledge may become a distant memory.
Certainly listen, but realise that you are completely in control of your efforts. You are completely in control of your actions. You alone are completely in control of the direction with which you apply to your life.
We are not defined by our histories. We are defined by what we make of them. You alone determine your success.
Look at everything as sent to you as an integral learning in your journey. Pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow, love and fear. All these things happening for you, not to you.
There is a learning opportunity in what you are going through right now and it’s up to you whether you extract the lessons from it. Life is happening for you, not to you. We can learn something from anything.
As Robert Greene wrote in The 33 Strategies of War, making reference to the Greek philosopher, Xenophon: “[Y]our obstacles are not rivers or mountains or other people; your obstacle is yourself. If you feel lost and confused, if you lose your sense of direction, if you cannot tell the difference between friend and foe, you have only yourself to blame.”
As the adage goes, those who believe that something cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it. When writing the story of our life, it’s important we don’t give anyone else the pen…